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1. |
Stzar
00:46
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Stzar
January 7, 1991
drinking from a bottle
at the center of the table
is a person of the most exotic feeling
from the quotes about the muffins
I think it's bran that he puts in 'em
to the slightly folded napkin
in the myriad mental corridors
he's sane
but when he's home
how do we know
he does not thrash about
and sacrifice his pets with knives
dear Tim, you're most devout
this may seem vibrant fancy
a wild fleeting vision
of things that simply are not truly there
but I look again, and stop to think
I do not want to know
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2. |
In the Aftermath
01:29
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In the Aftermath
January 18, 1991
through the window, through the clouds
a spark of blue
every moment growing fainter
clouds of black, not white
obscure
on the highways
there are tires burning
from slagged cars
still littering the way
fireballs of hot red orange
memories to the sky
in the shelters
food runs low
but we cannot go outside
the air is bad, the water tainted
with the blood of our dead
and the poisons of man
by a farmhouse in the country
gutted cattle fill the fields
soldiers decked in masks for breathing
haul off the meat for testing
in hopes it may still be food
to the family
of this old farmstead
little respect is paid
Devon, in his new gear comments
as he tips on off the porch
into a waiting trench
the gasses took them in the first assault
and maybe the breakdown time is enough
and their meat will be clean
no sorrow given, just happenstance
within these fields of death
sorrow well sown
the death has become common
no surprise as it takes so many of us
before it moves quietly one into unfeeling
that the meat was tainted I think
but I'll be glad to go
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3. |
||||
Waiting for the Next Time
January 18, 1991
to war we go
again it seems
that the razor's edge
of the sword is drawn
to come crashing down
on the enemy we create
and our own
our children in the battles
destroyed perhaps are they
in pain perhaps
or gone
never to be seen again
as those in flames
cannot deepen their roots
see, we have changed our path
turned back from pride
and we don't even bother to hate them any more
whatever it was we saw in their eyes
when we last took time to look
our kids committed suicide
but the battle just happens these days
no passion, just kill and make and go
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4. |
Purring Tabby
00:28
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Purring Tabby
January 21, 1991
of the cat
this I say
what harm can be done by her
with warmth she stays
with care she cares
with love she loves
independence always served the cat
but given choice
she often stays for company
and loved will often stay
as friend
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5. |
The Real Meaning
01:01
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The Real Meaning
January 21, 1991
life it seems
has no real meaning
to me or any other
when spliced the way it's viewed
with anger or with sloth
there is no answer
and love is ever answered by death
all cared for
is eliminated
by conflict
by owner
by careless kind
even by self
never to have loved
is no great thing
never loved - never lost
for the care applied to friend
is to allow hurt in the possession of care
for trust is hard to find
after death
what is left, memory
of the loved no comfort
sharing pared down
trust lacking
yet in the end
what use is the life we have
but to make life better
other and self ending
trust or loose even
ourselves
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6. |
Here Behind My Mask
00:35
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Here Behind My Mask
January 22, 1991
I can't see you through this mask before my eyes
its colors and its reasons hide me away inside
sitting in this darkness I can't see how you view me
but what you see ain't really me so I don't really mind
you note this blank and staring face gaze at you from the crowd
my thoughts within are not displayed - I'm safe in here you know
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7. |
Stasis
00:37
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Stasis
February 5, 1991
oh I'm screaming dreaming falling
through the spaces
in my mind
by the vision left to me
from times
history tells its tales
and night time pays its dues
trees bow down when the wind blows
and I feel that I must too
the past, the past is coming
to take away our vision
time folds in upon itself -
how do we go
when it takes it to its grave with it?
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8. |
Disassociation
00:28
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Disassociation
February 5, 1991
the mirror before me
tells its lies
warped as time
it can't reflect me
cannot change my mind
show me truth in what is there
still - I look
at its bent reflection
learning nothing
unable to turn away
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9. |
Starsong
05:39
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Starsong
January 22, 1991
I - birth
remember oh so long ago
a time when you were young
dreams of the future batting about you
all the time looking forward
to things you knew must come
you thought you'd like to look out among the stars
to travel there one day
and join with the song you were sure they sang
how wonderful it would be to migrate
out into night's vast melody
once you found it, so you swore
you'd bring it back with you to earth
introduce it to the world's listening ear
perhaps you wanted them to understand-
the joys of the child are not so easily lost
perhaps all that really mattered was the aspect of dream
you thought you might like to swim out into the night
out over your head, just a little adventure to find
what it might be like as one of the deepened
though all you ever found was water and black pitch
water, friend to all the world's children
until the joy of kicking passes as they drown
II - knowledge
they, universal them you recall
they took you to a large dark building
painted in the dull concrete greys of a prison
here you spent your years, learning the joys of verse
the song of the stars solidifying your conscience
expressed in countless ways of music
less cold equations of the mind
in where the numbers lie hidden
you lived as the people in this prison, loved
prison by care alone, to those uncaring alone
an endless joy to you, loving without moderation
every turn something new
all different expressions of the melody harmonizing
along the way you lent yourself
to those fallen, eating dust and delusion
helped no few to rise, learn the song
for the song was the way, clear, true
on the final day you left the prison, swathed black
respect for the fallen, showing you had won
compliments were thrown your way from the crowd
catching you sleeve, head of all you believed in
and you had never forgotten
you had learned from the stars
out into the world
just another adventurer
with others to share what they knew
it seemed - you could never run astray
III - death march
as the years passed you looked about you
but it seemed the song was fading throughout the world
wherever you listened there was discord in the melody
arpeggios of reality and reason sprung more loosely
flying out of tune
you looked out through the increasing chaos
in search of that which you knew must remain true
but even you fell to the anger and fear
that grew up everywhere
you watched the nerve gas canisters
carried out in mottled olive trucks to the gardens
spreading devastation to all caught in the storm
caught an afterimage of the first atomic bomb
and listened as the snap of the melody wrenched free
sudden crossover in hometown Hiroshima
where the buildings shattered
running after, like glass
the panzers and the tigers have crept out across the trenches
the waves of human figures in the charge were first to go-
and you had to watch them as they went
tangling themselves in the spliced cables of mines
bursting apart as easily as jewel weed's seed
the friends who stood with you rot
intellect reduced to meat
there is no harmony to the song now
just low dirge
with promise of more to come
the song you believed in has left open only torment
chords improperly structured, notes far from key
music you once knew given way to wails
and you watch the cold star's glare close in
who could withstand such a thing-
the disillusion of a dream of years
peace you sought without empty, breakdown completed
beside the thought you tried, a headstone
this and shallow grave mayhap will be your last mark
as you walk through the fields
amongst the broken dead you are defeated
for it seems there is nothing more to say-
walking out through the annihilated land
you begin looking for your grave
IV - Awakening
in place of grave you find a child
out along the river side examining the dead
smiling and closing eyes, apologizing to each one
as he takes what he needs from each, souvenirs
and you have a fleeting vision of staring at the stars
you could swear to having heard voices raised in rhythm
remembering, so clear, one small stage of the song
that the pattern repeated
everything bubbling through water well above your head
how akin to drowning, approaching the child
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10. |
Early Midnight Vision
00:59
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Early Midnight Vision
February 4, 1991
tell ya that I'm running
from the hidden hand
shadow with this darkness
just another in the land
take away my shadow
by putting out the sun
the lovers and the loosers join together!
sleeping with the deadwood
amongst the burned and fallen trees
running through the ashes
that are rising on the breeze
fires in the embers
forest's on its knees
we've got to face the darkness
out an end to this disease
come,
over here is light
I have not found the fire
but I believe...
and so
when the night fell
out of the darkness came the shadows
to feed upon the land-
in place of rising sun today
they say the end has come
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11. |
Getting it Together
00:43
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Getting it Together
February 5, 1991
if my friend
you rise,
and if you find the sky
will you stand up in the lackingness
will you look into the empty until you see
if you can't stand shadows
does this mean...
you can't stand light
'cause I really have to know
have you ever stood where the wind can't blow
where the stars are gone
where blackness rules a fetid sky
have you ever gone down underground
to kill the source of hate
have you ever wondered just what it was
what took away
your light?
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12. |
Goodbye
00:38
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Goodbye
February 8, 1991
in the cellar
I slept
through the night
I hoped
the hammer would not fall
morning came
and from the sky
I thought of all I saw
of the screaming
I heard
maybe it is good
I could not live forever
for walking on glass
can feel like hell
and reflections
sting the eyes
it seems
no matter when we live
we die
fool
to think this would change
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13. |
Essence
00:53
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Essence
1990
the wind is blowing round the corner
time is turning, turning round
pasts now gather in cold courtyards
the dead arise to greet the night
twilight dwindles, plunges downward
a taste of blood to start the fall
mankind's terror growing stronger
wings of night,
the fates' last weapon
stars are shining needles
come of breath
of death
of cold
friends, family against you
each point of reason put to flight
brother mine hath brought the end on
on to bring the fall of night
in graveyards stones are turning
in crypts bodies crawl
darkness reaper calls
for something sweet
like blood, like knife
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14. |
To Fill the Empty Spaces
00:23
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To Fill The Empty Spaces
February 18, 1991
to fill the spaces
damn
I
have no plan
I can't find
no words that rhyme
no part of this
has the rhythm I seek
no dance
no song
completes the page
in comfort
enough then
let it end
so
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15. |
The Broken One
01:33
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The Broken One
February 13, 1991
rain is stirring up the ashes littered on the city street
washing slurry down gutters
filling the sewers of the city
dreams and ancient magazines float out among this rubble
bits of life and trash and toys
diseases from the slums
wasteland of the homeless, the possessed and soon forgotten
terror of the jungle from this steel haze and smoke-
from this jumble rises the last of man's great sufferings
last because this one signs his ending
from the twisted alleyways where fear has ever mingled
with the screams of dreaming broken souls-
the wails of the hungry
the kids who eat from garbage cans-
here from in man's haunted relics
with his shattered doves and melted hawks
charred bits of birds of war
death's head rises to answer calls
of man's last great creation
the germ fit so secure in phials
silver and gold to its creators
no more magic fairy rings for you my wanting child-
just endless dreams and agonies, and tell me is it real-
I'm sorry they burned your fairy land your paper doves and such
but to this end your hapless cries reached only dirt
virus free from heart of ice
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16. |
Over the Asparagus
00:42
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Over the Asparagus
February 20, 1991
at dinner that night
I could see in his face
the death of his children
his foes - his dreams
in the mighty blast echoing from long ago
we noted only future troubles and change
elimination by motion of things aged uncomfortably
facing a reality in which past had no place
when we'd moved back to change our creation
what damage we'd caused had brought on this fate
to note we were not we - nor survivors our kind eternally
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17. |
Ever Victorious
01:35
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Ever Victorious
February 18, 1991
don't cry baby when I tell you that it's all true
that the Lenins and the Ghandis will all die someday
please don't weep when I tell you that the music's gone
'cause I know that when you face it
when you get yourself down against the wall
and listen to the sounds
you find that combinations and certain personalities
will shine out from the plaster and all those moving clouds
don't cry-
when you find that all the sun's obscured
and the cars out on the highways are driving into brick walls
try to hold out through the sound effects
of those slow-mo motion pictures,
try your hand at beating up your heart against the fall
have the nerve to be the chosen one
the next one in the line now called
show the world you dare to be, the next
the answer to the pall bearer's brigade
so when you meet the sniper's bullet I didn't say you wouldn't fall
I didn't say it wouldn't hurt, it hurts to be the chosen one
it hurts to face the firing line
and if you have to give your life sometimes
to toe the line or simply fall
but you know there must be a chosen
a leader as they say of leaders
join yourself in this chance to be alive
this dance, this dream, this hear my call
take your place to make a sun
to make a life, a voice
a fall
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18. |
Let's Face the Fire
01:38
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Let's Face the Fire
February 20, 1991
get out the lead
cries your god of war
the fire is spreading and what shall you do?
as a child at home in these broken homes
I found this casing in the yard, pretty, silver
thinking a gift I picked it up with both hands
present for my parents, tired, working-
the fireball scattered me in pieces
I never knew what I had done
get out the lead
we must face the fire
so commands your god of war-
well I faced the fire and see here, see here
to bring my mother this piece of fancy scrap
in the end I found myself dead
no reason for placing me up in the sky
I wasn't the one who'd been killing people
simply followed a shine and moved away
and where are all the little children
playing in mine fields at their games of cleaning
and where are all the bloody soldiers
what placed in my drive this excrement of hell?
I suppose looking back I shouldn't fault them
doing their jobs they were, duty bound
but as I watched the planes fly over
pouring out their smoke
I knew not which were on my side
I know they meant nothing for me
that they'd sorrow my passing if the knew-
but mother's in tears and there's blood all down the drive
unthinking actions and thinking duty may well be blind
like love and forgiveness hardest, hardest of all
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19. |
No Need No More
00:55
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No Need No More
February 25, 1995
take me to the nearest mountain
where the sun will shine all day
and tell me that those fears you have
will never go away - don't try to fill my life with darkness
I'm busy laughing it away
don't try to tell me the sky will fall
I'll be happy anyway
when you try to live a life of fear
you may find that it will never work
when you look upon this world of wonder
seeing sunshine after dark - so join up with the laughter
become another with the land
stand out in the sun and wind
'cause there's still wonder in the land
come away with me my love
and let's go see the world
let's find out where the magic is
and face the sunrise hand in hand
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20. |
||||
Small Dog in Search of God
February 25, 1991
tell me little dog
have you found your god -
have you found your freedom
from the collar and the leash -
I know you dream of running
out in open fields -
are you chasing after rabbits
when you whimper in your sleep
or do they come for you -
so tell me little puppy
when you wake
did you dream of freedom -
did you find your god -
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21. |
Frozen In
01:08
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Frozen In
March 6, 1991
the flame my friend is everlasting
bound to us with power
the force that moves the life we live
by dawn and night enchanted
in this dream of life, what fears we lead
ruling ourselves with terror
and each of us behind our masks
how dare we think to answer -
go forth with joy, with love my friend
give yourself to all
so the promise breaks and there is pain -
take the hands of those you hold dear
and make some light to see
in the end we all must die
but while we live let's have a game
to be remembered through the years
and while we live let's set ablaze
our fears and that which brings endings
and to this end let's never sorrow
the life we lived was filled with joy
death is but a narrow passage
and it is in the night we fly
so spread your wings in turn of phase -
we cannot know light
unless darkness is accepted
be not death's toy
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22. |
Letter from the Dead
00:33
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Letter From the Dead
March 11, 1991
oh so tired
and full of sleep
I cast to rest my weary head
I found my place in hallowed ground
with a headstone to mark my resting place
so to the world
do not sorrow
I've lied and gone to sleep
perhaps on the seventh hundred year
I'll wake to a world of peace
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23. |
Suicide
01:07
|
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Suicide
March 15, 1991
he read the warning on the bottle
read it twice to make quite sure
overdose can lead to death
then once again for luck
he popped some pills and looked about him
bits of life scattered round his bed
but he had made his final choices
life no longer held a way for him
the records on the shelf were old
listening to them older
boredom and becoming
they found him in the bedroom
wrapped up in silken luxury
a question on his face
he read the warning on the bottle
three times for luck
before he sent himself away
so he could change his progression
and as he went, he posed his god a question
why did I live -
but I don't think he got an answer
in giving up there exists no reposed form
what answers death's conceit
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24. |
Love's Passing
00:50
|
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Love's Passing
March 15, 1991
as I look out over this cold grave
I see your face
and wonder
why did you go
when there was so much left that you had to do
why did you leave me behind
I've screamed at god
told it to tell me the reason
but I get no answer
I've screamed at the mountains
but all I hear is the rain
falling and falling
and why
when I loved the world so much
could it take away your love
leaving only shame
what a place, what a place this is
that will tear apart our souls
could it be that the end is a stone
|
||||
25. |
Cold Soldier
00:46
|
|||
Cold Soldier
March 17, 1991
old man
where are you going?
to heaven?
to seek the light?
do you want a place to rest -
a pillow of stone to hold your weary head?
old man
why do you tremble so?
is it so cold
you cannot sleep?
old man
why did you close your eyes?
your last story meant nothing to me
you have yet to teach me how to live
where has your spirit gone?
will I see you again in this cold world?
old man
where did you go?
|
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26. |
Butcher Butcher!
01:04
|
|||
Butcher Butcher!
March 14, 1991
he woke up in the evening
as was normal for his days
found that in his sleep
the world had changed
peace had come
out of work - he struck forth
finding country upon country
thirsting for vengeance
found an angry people
brought hate to their lives
in the morning of his new day
skies burned bloody red
hands hidden blackened buildings
suicide bombs some said
people rose from the wasteland
calling for counterkilling
and killing came
make work and work will breed
in death his joy was sure
employed, all he needed
out of the madness of his sleepless world
a man rose speaking peace once more
died and another filled his place
and another each killing
martyrs gaining sway
with a people gradually sickening of death
|
||||
27. |
Giving Up
00:30
|
|||
Giving Up
March 23, 1991
I looked
and saw truth
it is but a fantasy
you can pretend to live
but all you can ever do is come to an end
no jewels
no matter what you own
claiming to live success
but all along the way you die
piece by piece
all I can say
is set me free from this game
|
||||
28. |
One Way to Go
01:14
|
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One Way to Go
April 14, 1991
here I sit beneath the willow
weeping as the rain is falling
why is it that this old willow weeps?
I look out between the branches
to see a field washed in thunder
grey clouds raining
poisoned raindrops-
feed this tree of pain
the old black willow cries in anguish
we all need the rain they say
but what is falling
ain't the rain friend
perhaps it's death on this steel grey day
could be the poison in the water
burns my eyes as I look to the sky
might be the fog of war does more
than block the light tonight
twilight's fallen
where's tomorrow?
the willow only knows its pain
the blisters on my hands grow slowly
skin crawling off my back
cold, it's cold on the horizon
and the willow's weeping next to me
I raise my head to taste the raindrops
seems I'll go out with the rain
|
||||
29. |
Stillborn
00:24
|
|||
Stillborn
April 6, 1991
try to find
by searching for your soul
try to hide
turn out the light
bury yourself
in the sickening shadows
close your eyes
you can never sleep
count to the darkness
every woe
every sadness
and die
before you allow
yourself birth
|
||||
30. |
To Dream
00:28
|
|||
To Dream?
April 16, 1991
when my eyes close
to sleep
and I wrap my dreams about my head
I notice second thoughts
cascading images flash before my weary eyes
no matter they are closed
have I done right today
by you
by all today
is this weary worker done?
|
||||
31. |
Silent
00:40
|
|||
Silent
April 26, 1991
listen
something in the night is calling
a dream of silence
waiting for the coming dawn
and in the interim
I wait
resting in the silence that is song
darkened hills and shrouded mood
will light my way tonight
the darkness holds no secrets
to those who forsake strife
and with the coming dawn I walk-
drifting
another with the drifting clouds
I think that's what I'll choose to be
a single note
a shrouded thought
under open sky
|
||||
32. |
||||
The Coming of the Second Sun
April 30, 1991
cover the sky -
make it dark -
the more to see the fires burning
who's fires these?
our own -
you see?
the world we lived in up in flames
who's fault?
our own
who's warnings?
some -
but they... like us
set with the sun
sunrise, she said?
I remember once
before the cold
that there were fires
cities burning
and as a child I looked on
from in my bunker I think it was
I saw the rise of the second sun
before the cold set in
|
||||
33. |
Second Term
01:17
|
|||
Second Term
May 6, 1991
another banner
a flag to follow
a speech, a song, an almost voice
I once would rise to follow you
but now I sit
watching as you gather your masses
waiting with scorn
when you started, I believed
all you said was right
no more fighting, no more war
no more killing in the night
where are you now
my leader
it's time to pay the bill
the grand story has come to pass
replotted
the cleansing continues every day
and what you said won't change this
action now
your people cry -
but back and blind eye
hide behind famous words
ripped from a speech writer
long dead
the gangs grow braver
kill in daylight
no one's safe at home
those you swore to fight
break down our doors
where, sir, is your sword?
set beside your close praying eyes?
in your sitting time
a million died
while you preached mantra
save our city
save our city
sage
|
||||
34. |
Privacy
00:36
|
|||
Privacy
May 7, 1991
what life,
what sound I hear
another camera in my hall
what life
when all I do
entertains you
talk away my privacy
but no matter how you pry
I will ask to keep my soul
making this me
will never let you in
the public I suppose
has the right to know
limited per decency
and no more
|
||||
35. |
Widow's Word
00:15
|
|||
Widow's Word
May 7, 1991
what talk is this
of fear
of death
when all is peace
in the setting sun
I cannot see
for crying
|
||||
36. |
Life's Side
01:03
|
|||
Life's Side
May 7, 1991
in a puddle floating
lie the faces your life remembers
glistening behind the sheen of blood
they should not have left you
with the razor
hid behind your frightened back
false laugh upon your face you walked
to the mirror
if only for a moment
to see a familiar face
and then you turned
away from both the mirror and life
which flowed away like water
to leave only the shell
some will say
that should only the shell have existed
life - as it was to you - remains an empty husk
when not a tear is left
close not your eyes in torpor
but escape - I go on to a better place
than this cold world - was not this
when a world grows cold
you could well have tried fire
and when the torpor set in like ice
you could have found another way
besides to hide your breath
|
||||
37. |
Home Again
00:21
|
|||
Home Again
May 8, 1991
look mother
what can I do
I cannot cry no more
nor feel pain
nor trust once more
they left me in a covered hole
years mother - and praying did nothing for me
|
||||
38. |
Flander's Fields
00:33
|
|||
Flander's Fields
May 10, 1991
carry a flower in your hand
a single yellow rose
for goodbye -
walk softly
who knows what watches?
go, past each stone, and read the words
at one, a silver grey of granite
with the inscription
sometimes he smelled the flowers
but then one ate him -
set the rose
|
||||
39. |
The Small Years
02:08
|
|||
The Small Years
May 10, 1991
good night, sleep tight
never let your dreams gain hold
the ones you've had of late are grand
but they obscure your real thoughts
the grandiose visions of the dreamer
cross your mind like morning clouds
and within your vision you laugh
at the danger in the world of the night thief
control of dream means control of mind
or so it seemed at the time of rising
only troubles lay in the set of the rising
and the fact that the day remains hidden
once awakened
the danger would slip from your mind for a while
leaving just a tinge-
of fear perhaps that the dreams you dream
are more real than you
the question you faced was this
were you dreaming your dreams or were you dreamed
and should the dreamer awake
would you still be?
don't go
little dreamer of the silver dream
your heart is beating
faster than the caged bird
throwing itself against window and wall
you must hold strong
and never give in to the shadow of a doubt
that you are really there
who took your world, dreamer?
those landscapes true only inside
who would dare interrupt
the musings of a child?
remember dreamer
don't throw yourself on reality's walls too hard
lest you end as a broken bird
dreamer
you are grown now
you have to face the ideal
because if you don not exist
tell me, who's thoughts are these
wake from your life if you must
over terror that fills you
and leave enlightened
dreamer, I know you are not blind dreamer now
though you still dream
I see you use your dreams as tools
without them using you
but you dare not close them out completely
because to forget dreaming
is worse than being dreamed
and eliminates you
|
||||
40. |
||||
And They Would Kill Them All
May 11, 1991
and I heard them say
run ya little bastard, run
we've got the hanging noose
come back here, coon
y'all might be jewish too
lesser animal thing - little not us
we don't allow your kind round here
they claimed it was a party
that they should be inviolate in their decision
that one needed killing
- we got ya now
higher, higher
no tears, bitch -
|
||||
41. |
Victory
00:39
|
|||
Victory
June 1, 1991
lying in the bed she was
dying -
yet still she had to tell me
her latest dirty joke
a person of light
the sort not often met
yet what is there to say -
death always has the final word
perhaps it's just a passing
one form to the next
or this form to an end
when all in life is given
she showed me something left
in memory
I recall
a spirit that dead
would never die again
though the body had no more
even in death you won
a space of light
|
||||
42. |
poem - This, This One
01:44
|
|||
This, This One
May 20, 1991
I found as I looked that there were none left
all of those I knew were gone
and the silence of the world had started to close in
so I went to my home, listened to a few of my favorite songs
and sitting in the darkness thought
there was little else to do
time to move on
I opened the curtains to look out
to see a clear blue sky and hot sun
to find a peace in the fields I once knew
but all remained as memory in that blue light
not all the sun in the field changing circumstance
what is a beautiful song
a day of wonder -
when you cannot recall
the last time you shared
memories can mean nothing
and the dream dies
well -
I've heard said that with life there is hope
but the reverse seems true as well
that without hope there can be little life
so I remain in question
migration left as the thing to do
I closed myself in my room for a day
let the light pass without opening my eyes
could there be nothing left, or had I simply misplaced it all
I read a book but when my mouth turned up to laugh
I made no sound
I must go out when I find the will
but faceless at the thought I turn away
remain hidden in my room
what if they laughed
could I even remember to hurt?
take a bow they say, and exit
softly from the stage -
just passing time and waiting
for the scene I am to change
|
||||
43. |
Before I Grow Old
01:08
|
|||
Before I Grow Old
June 1, 1991
I see a sky of misty grey
a mirror without reflection
I see my friends fall by the way
into past without firm meaning
when young I thought I'd live forever
ironic that I see I have
but what's the joy to this endless life
when those you most remember fell behind
immortality?
no -
I could never face it
without the ones I'd loved
no one to turn to
I'd fall
I watch the years flow by like ice
grey beyond all meaning
and I wonder
did I see it all
is this track repeating?
so I look ahead from childhood
into a cold grey sky
I see a death in life for me
when all the rest are moved away
I see a sky of misty grey
a mirror without reflection
if this is how life means to be
I mean to die before the cold
|
||||
44. |
Come What May
00:17
|
|||
Come What May
March 1990
come my friend
who are you
not the one I know
back then you could witness no harm -
now you smile when the knife turns
|
||||
45. |
Bones of Clay
01:11
|
|||
Bones of Clay
May 21, 1991
they tell me I should save my soul
repent, oh sinner
repent -
repent -
but I just laugh and tell them
I'll live my life and die in time
I'll leave behind my bones
so why repent what I've not done
when I have done to my intent?
I'll sing a song for you, if you like
and you can sing along
the only corpse I wish to leave
is one to help the flowers grow
the only time I wish to pray
is when I write the words
if you say this leads a bad life
maybe to me it felt most right
so when the hang man comes for me
I'll face him without fear
I have done as best I can
by my design, no less
I listened to your words my preacher
but bowed not down as you'd suggest
my thanks to all your good concern
but my thoughts struck me as true
I do not claim that you were wrong
but here my song will do
|
||||
46. |
||||
The Silent Sounds of Night
June 22, 1991
thought I heard you voice last night
I don't know what you said
a snatch of song within my dream
are you talking in my head
thought I heard you crying
I don't know what about
you're too far away to tell me
but there must be some way out
tell me was I dreaming
or had I come awake in bed
is that really you who's calling
or someone else long dead
in this crazy cosmic dreamland
I don't know where you belong
I know you lived ten years ago
but still I hear your song
and if I ever miss a beat
how can I sleep
how dare I dream
when I hear your call
I'm going
gone-
too late
your song-
is spinning round my head
I lie awake in bed tonight
god knows what I might hear
but I take some little comfort
suspecting that you're near
|
||||
47. |
Jumping the Wall I
01:09
|
|||
Jumping the Wall I
March 24, 1991
ever man will love a wall
within the mind
around the home
and every man a wall will build
to save their sanity
who can give without reserve
and who will fight
and who will harm
and who will tear the battlements down
to see who lies within
and every man will hide his wall
behind a false facade
and not a man will turn to give
that within away
who really lives within these walls
who screams in pain
who laughs aloud
and who breaks down when we look away
who will stay alone
I thought I saw a man give up
wall so high I saw no home
he tried to hide away from neighbors
away from things
away from nothing
and Tuesday he went and shot himself
I saw him took away
I tried to step outside my home
to show me who I was
but the wall followed
and those around me when I moved
they ran the hell away
|
||||
48. |
Jumping the Wall II
00:41
|
|||
Jumping the Wall (2)
March 29, 1991
and with the silent sounds of thunder
of the lightning in the eyes
lies the weakness
lies the oneness
lies the strength to stand alone
of you want to be a tower
hold yourself up high
be a pillar or a statue
have your features cast in stone
but know a tower knows not love
and never touches top to ground
so think
choose not just yet
a love can also be a stone
to build a trust
a bond, no fear
a tower built up inside out can still bow down
|
||||
49. |
After the Fact
01:24
|
|||
After the Fact
July 12, 1991
god only knows what's just begun
I see my life set low beneath a bloody sun
I lit the match what have I done
now there's nothing left no more to greet the dawn
I look out from this old cell
my chair pressed hard against my back
out over the coals that are my world
refrain my friend?
the only choice they had
I fear that they were right
lock me away from coming night
it's cold in here but look outside
and see the heat waves make things flicker from before my eyes
the dance is done
my friends alone or dead and gone
the dance is done
it's not over til it's over but it's clearly now begun
the more fool I
could be I stared too long into the sun
a god I thought I had become
but all I rule are graves and ashes
who will listen to an old man's ravings
who will listen to my weeping - done and done and done
refrain?
I fall to the concrete floor
but no one comes
what's done is done
the more fool I
a war worse won
no more the sun
god only knows what's just begun
|
||||
50. |
Writing
00:23
|
|||
Writing
July 1991
sometimes what you say is more important than the rhythm
but clearly-
playing with the words is fun
get your point of view across
I don't care how you do
but if you make it hunger thus
the second step comes clear
|
||||
51. |
Living for the Moment
00:49
|
|||
Living For The Moment
August 9, 1991
I am just an old man
sitting in my coffin
waiting for the end to come
been a good life slow-
but over-
can't wait to start again
I am just a new boy
waiting for my moment
see the world again
make new friends
I wait-
the cycle comes again
I am just a wanderer
looking for some love to give
working through my middle years
no fear-
the wonder's everlasting
and the wheel rolls around again
if I look at you and laugh
laugh back - it might be true
I'm living for the moment
flame in vacuum-
if I go now think of flowers
the laughter and the love remain
|
||||
52. |
Recess of the Mind
00:29
|
|||
Recess of the Mind
August 9, 1991
I'll sit in my corner writing
go away
I like my thoughts
despite their hurting
and I hear better here
leave me while I sit
no light
I like the dark
for slow thoughts come better here
morbidity a sanctuary?
nothing bad can happen
so let me hide away
|
Wetdryvac's Lair Weld, Maine
Wetdryvac is a consulting device, a musician, and a free will procedural ethicist. This makes for some seriously odd material from time to time, much of which is worked with here as Wetdryvac's Lair.
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