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lyrics

Denial
January 24, 1992

should I retreat now into solitude
should I carve a box in my mind to put the world in
should I turn and run and run til I can run from my fears no longer
or turn and face them
like the man who turns to take the bullet
shot through the heart
should I close down
should I crash slowly like the sinking sun
setting into the evening sea
or will I hiss and burn to a boil of vapor
unable to quench the fire
annihilate the single yellow rose sinking in its vase
ignore the pain
or is there a better answer
should I try to talk to those I trust
in hopes that the pain will be over for once in my life
should I try to bare my soul

my weak side where the singers sway is long in need of warmth
my dark side always looking for a way to be turned out
my inner dreams and agonies the toil of a trial run
are stoned and stone from blood
hammer and chisel set aside to apply the squeeze
from those I knew to trust
and the one I care about the most
I cannot tell the truth
though inside there is dying

should I try to run away into the night
should I try to hide my soul
should I scream out my cries and old laments into the phone
should I admit that I am weak, I never had any power
should I play the fool and never let go
should I set out to find who I really am

for I have this hidden fear that I don’t exist
should I try to take the pain
should I try to tell the one I care for who I really feel
though I thought I tried to do that, who has failed
should I try to face this night alone
when there are so many filling my world
I am not cast down
I am not cast down
I am just not who I want to be – a cry
another weakness
should I admit I don’t understand, that I am crushed
should I rage, should I cant
should I give up the world for a home in my head
my own little box
should I bare my soul
to the light of the ones I know I trust, have I
or does nothing really matter

credits

from Scattered Resistance v4 - Settling In, released October 19, 2012

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Wetdryvac's Lair Weld, Maine

Wetdryvac is a consulting device, a musician, and a free will procedural ethicist. This makes for some seriously odd material from time to time, much of which is worked with here as Wetdryvac's Lair.

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